Tales Told by Dead Friends

This post is way late, but I suspect that I'm the only one who actually cares about that.

My characters are not cooperating. The ones who are supposed to be interesting aren't, and the ones who are supposed to just take up space are actually doing things. I'm beginning to think the whole thing was a terrible idea. Everyone was right, and I should have listened.

There is one piece of this story that I actually want to work on, but I haven't had much of a chance because it doesn't contribute meaningfully to word count. See, Des was in a band. They had songs. Two of which I've already mentioned by title. Only one of which I have actual lyrics for, and they're not even complete. I also have part of the first one he's written since the whole "friends died and I became a vampire" thing. And that hasn’t even come up in the story yet.

Rhyme or Reason

I may have lied on Tuesday. I don't really write terrible poetry. Typically I write terrible song lyrics, which is somehow much worse. It's more emo, at any rate. And the paranoia factor is so much higher. If you think I come across as weird and embarrassed about sharing story bits, you haven't seen anything yet. My more poetical ventures are never to be seen by human eyes.

Why am I telling you all this, if I'm not going to share it? I don't know. Maybe I'm running out of things to talk about. Maybe I figure no one's listening anyway.

The issue with writing lyrics is that they're completely useless. I don’t read music well enough to write it, I don't play an instrument, and I'm pretty sure I'm tone deaf. So I can hear a whole, completed thing in my head, but I can’t actually create it.

So why write something if I'm not going to use it? Same reason I write anything. Because it's in my head. I have to write it down or it's just going to rattle around in there taking up space. And there's a lot of crap in there as it is, so space is at a premium.

I wanted to start a steampunk emo band. It'd be a kind of pop-punk sound with songs about time travel and things made of clockwork. See the above reasons why that wouldn’t work. Namely the zero musical talent thing.

Here's the thing I don't get. I write lyrics about time travel and things made of clockwork. I am incredibly embarrassed about this, like it’s something I'm not supposed to admit, like I'm writing Twilight fan fiction or something. But why? What is so inherently wrong about it? Would it be different if I could actually play an instrument and compose music? Would that make me a "songwriter" instead of an "emo kid who likes rhyming"?

As it is, I can imagine several people who would tell me to shut up about this and never speak of it again. And that's probably what I'm going to do. Because this is something I'm not supposed to talk about and not supposed to admit. I'm still that angsty teenager with a notebook of bad poems about how I feel. I'm supposed to grow up and stop feeling shit, or at least stop talking about it. (I'm also supposed to not say "shit" in my own personal blog that I write for my own personal self, for some reason, but whatever.)

Anyway, this is what happens when I'm not working on a story and have nothing to report. I start getting all existential and having emotions. I wouldn't worry. It'll pass.

I'm writing this on Wednesday, but by the time it posts on Friday, I'll be done with class. Then, maybe, I can focus on some new project. Stay tuned, or whatever.